Aging Parents in Hospital
I just talked with a friend who was complaining to me about the treatment his aging mom was receiving in the hospital. Seems her arms were black and blue from the nurses trying to take her blood samples—they just couldn’t seem to find a vein. One night no nurse would answer the buzzer when his mom rang it in the night. She only needed help to get to the bathroom. And the doctor, who only appeared once a day for ten minutes, had prescribed an old medicine for congestive heart failure when newer, more effective medicines were available. Luckily for my friend, he had a family friend—a doctor well versed in geriatrics, who got his mom discharged from that hospital and into better care. But for the rest of us who don’t have a geriatric doctor as a family friend, we have a great responsibility to take on and a lot to learn in a short time when an aging parent lands in the hospital.
My friend’s episode reminded me of my own aging mom’s tribulations in the hospital. How they gave her medicine she was allergic to—even though her allergy was clearly stated in her chart. How they inserted a catheter poorly, which extended her bladder and caused an infection. Months later, when my mom was dying and I was to enter her into Hospice, her last words to me were to please not send her back to the hospital.
I hope that your aging parent won’t have suffer from bad treatment while in a hospital. And I pray that you won’t feel the guilt or the sense of hopelessness that I or my friend did as we struggled on how to deal with hospitals, nurses, and doctors.
Please respond to this post and let me know if your aging parent was treated well in a hospital or if they suffered. I’ve heard some real horror stories. I’m not sure if they were caused by well-intentioned, but over-worked nurses, or if our society just doesn’t seem to offer the same level of care for people in their 80’s. Maybe they don’t realize that these older patients are someone’s aging parent.
The book, Helping Your Aging Parent lists several tricks you can initiate to win over the nurses so that they’ll pay more attention to the needs of your aging parent when they’re in the hospital or nursing home. There is also a drug allergy notice you can download for FREE at http://www.boomer-books.com to post by an aging parent’s bed so that the nurse, or doctor will realize this older person has a drug allergy—even if it’s already written in their chart.
April 5th, 2005 at 10:16 pm
I found, in the nursing wing of the retirement home my mother stayed in briefly, that while the nurses and aides were doing their best, there simply weren’t enough of them to do what needed to be done – to give the care the old people needed.
In the dining room one time, my mother was sitting with three other patients, also in wheelchairs, at a table. The other three were virtually helpless; just slumped forward in their wheelchairs, while their food, put on the table in front of them, was inaccessible, even if they had the strength to reach for it. One of them tried to pick up the spoon given her, but her hands were shaking too much and it fell. My mother heard her whisper “Help me” and so my mother, while unable to reach to do it herself, was able to attract the attention of a visitor who was feeding her own mother at a nearby table. She asked the visitor if she would help the old lady at her table, and the woman came and fed her a few spoonfuls.
The two nurses on duty were spending the mealtime each feeding another two patients, leaving the remaining 30 or so to manage on their own. Then everyone’s food was whisked away, most of it untouched, and the patients were wheeled back to their rooms.
This was in a $200-a-day facility, recommended by the local hospital. The children of these pathetic old people probably believed, since they’d put their parent in an expensive, quality institution, they’d be taken good care of. Not so. Unless someone’s there to advocate for your parent, they’re pretty much abandoned.
The goal of these facilities is to make money, and since many old people can barely speak for themselves, and are ignored or conveniently disbelieved because they’re senile and imagining things, there’s no pressure on the directors to hire more staff and reduce their bottom line.
So don’t think you’ve been good to your parent because you have them in a good care facility. You need to be there and to make your voice heard and your presence known.
June 4th, 2005 at 2:47 am
I agree with Peter. It’s a damn sad scene. My own aging parent (my mom) was dumped at the door of the hospital over an insurance dispute. Then was completely ignored in the hospital. Soon she developed bed sores. From there her immune system became compromised and she died.
I’m mad at myself for not doing more about it. I’m mad at the hospitals who don’t have to report their mistakes to any agency. It would be nice if we had some kind of consumer report for hospitals and their treatment of the aging.
February 3rd, 2006 at 2:07 pm
I dont know, what it is.
May 18th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Great Post. Thanks!